Boys and Girls Adrift
by Theresa Oswald, MD • April 6, 2010
While considering the impact self esteem has on health and healing, I read a very interesting and frankly disturbing book, “Boys Adrift” by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.D. In his book, Dr. Sax explores what he calls an epidemic of unmotivated boys not growing to their full potential. Why are boys adrift? One key problem is girls and women are acting in masculine ways to feel strong. This is not necessarily how they want to act or what feels natural but what society mandates by definition of what makes someone strong, successful and powerful. As a society we measure strength and power by a masculine yardstick. There is not a readily available role model of feminine power. When girls and women act like men to be powerful this puts both boys and girls at risk. When everyone is trying to act masculine to succeed, there is no balancing feminine force in society, although the world itself is defined as feminine, Mother Earth. It is ok for a girl to look and act like a boy, but for a boy to look like a girl is degrading. So what purpose does a boy have?
Women and girls are most powerful when moving in a feminine manner. What does feminine strength look like? It may look a lot like Mother Nature, nurturing, accepting, at times quiet, accommodating and supportive and at other times tempestuous, wild and seemingly chaotic. I am still learning and exploring what a truly powerful woman would look like but I know it involves love in fact fierce love, loving until it’s uncomfortable or unfashionable or unpopular. For men strength is presence and stability; for women it is love and fluidity. What would our world look like with strong leaders both men and women living to their full potential naturally and comfortably in their own skin? All it would take is a broader appreciation of power in both its masculine and feminine forms. It definitely would be worth a try.
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